This week I am saying goodbye from one chapter of my life and starting a new one. I carefully dusted the shelf and cleaned the lens before tucking my camera case away tonight. A flood of emotions filled me all at once.
I was relieved.
I was sad.
I was excited.
and I was scared to death!
These emotions are very typical of change. They also tell me that I am on the right path. I was grateful for the relief that I felt. I was worried that the sadness would take over, but it didn't. I know that I will be dusting off my camera once and a while for close friends and family members and that makes me happy. Out of all the things I love about photography, it is about capturing the memories of the people I photograph. It's about remembering these moments, the smiles, the laughs.
The excitement came before the fear. I am excited to test my limits. To achieve my goals. I am excited to finish something I started so long ago... to
GO BACK TO SCHOOL!
But then came the fear and the doubt. I am not the student I used to be. I have no idea if I am still capable of retaining knowledge, learning new things. Am I determined enough to put in the effort?
Then I remember where fear comes from... the adversary. I will not let these feeling overpower the good.
Last night when I was especially fearful I asked Clark if it was too late to back out!!?? He then asked me....
Is it Eternal?
Does it bring me closer to God?
Does it benefit my family?
These answers were HARD to come up with! I have been contemplating them all day! ( He is a wise man, that hubby of mine!)
... and then I read these words from a talk my the beloved President Hinckley:
"You must get all of the education that you possibly can...The Lord wants you to educate your minds and hands, whatever your chosen field. Whether it be repairing refrigerators, or the work of a skilled surgeon, you must train yourselves. Seek for the best schooling available. Become a workman of integrity in the world that lies ahead of you."
Yes, an education is Eternal
Then I read this line:
“With all thy getting get understanding” (Proverbs 4:7).
Yes, an education is of God
As I contemplate the sacrifices that will be made by my family to make sure I succeed I was left with a feeling of doubt when asked the question "Will it benefit my family." I can make the argument that it will make sure my son see's me accomplishing my goals, and the value of an education. And then in the talk by President Hinckley mentioned above he addresses women directly:
"You can include in the dream of the woman you would like to be a picture of one qualified to serve society and make a significant contribution to the world of which she will be a part. Set your priorities in terms of marriage and family, but also pursue educational programs which will lead to satisfying work and productive employment in case you do not marry, or to a sense of security and fulfillment in the event you do marry. Education will increase your appreciation and refine your talent."
I have always put my family first. and it is now clear to me that by perusing my education it is not that I am putting me first over them, or ignoring their needs to focus on mine... it is that I am doing this as well as taking care of my family.
I realize that I cannot do this alone. That I need a support system. I am grateful for my husband and son who have been so supportive of this decision. I know that Heavenly Father can guide and strengthen me also. I hope to add many more friends and strangers to my support system in order to make it through!
I saw this quote the other day and found it so fitting for me! I believe in the magic of beginnings!
What beginnings do you have in your life right now? What emotions have you felt as you embrace that change?